Quickies: God’s Fickle Will Be Done/The Nazis Weren't All Bad

Hello Children,

Looks like ol’ Norma Jean is going to be a mite busy the next couple days!

Y’all might recollect {Here} and {Here} I been reinforcing the estate grounds here lately with the finest landmines money can buy.

Apparently, that somehow makes a visit to Nana’s such a dangerous undertaking that none of the grandbabies are being allowed to visit!

I tell you, sometimes your children can be such a burden!

Anyhow, I’ll be directing the groundskeepers in locating and defusing all the claymores and ‘bouncing betties,’ so y’all have to make do with a couple Wednesday afternoon Quickies.

Oh, BTW to my ungrateful, no-account children: now that I got one less line of defense should “President” Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s DEATH PANELS come for me (which is probably what you been planning anyway!), I thought you ought know that I done WROTE YOU OUT OF MY WILL!!!

God’s Fickle Will Be Done

I declare, if’n mankind nowadays ain’t once again ignoring the words of the Lord:

²¹ Hear this, you foolish and senseless people,
who have eyes but do not see,
who have ears but do not hear:

²² Should you not fear me?" declares the LORD.
"Should you not tremble in my presence?

-Book of Jeremiah

Apparently, the whole dang world is hard of hearing {Here}:

Last week, Rush Limbaugh said the eruption of the volcano in Iceland was "God speaking" in response to the passage of health care reform.

But John Hagee has a different explanation, saying it was God's response to the decision by Britain's Advertising Standards Authority that the Western Wall could not appear in tourism ads:

Television and radio evangelist Pastor John Hagee believes the recent eruption of the volcano in Iceland stems from Britain breaking God's covenant.

The day after Britain's Advertising Standards Authority said the Western Wall in Jerusalem could not be used in Israeli tourism ads in Britain because it is considered occupied territory, Hagee said, the volcano erupted, shutting down Britain's economy in one day.

"That's coincidence, like the flood was a coincidence. That's coincidence, like the Red Sea was coincidence. That's coincidence, like the earthquake and the Resurrection was coincidence," Hagee told about 3,200 people at Lancaster County Convention Center on Thursday night as part of John Hagee Ministries' Rally and Prophecy Seminar.

Hagee went on to warn President Obama for his treatment of Israel, saying "any country who tries to change [God's covenant with Abraham] will get the judgment of God. It's like sticking your finger in the eye of God."

I swanny!

Every individual on the face of the earth needs to stop what they’re doing right this instant!!

If’n Yahweh is willing to cripple international travel over something so seemingly petty, there ain’t no telling what He’ll do if’n we get Him really riled up!

Like drowning an entire city cause they celebrated queers instead of stoning them to death!

So let’s all us of just sit down and wait for instructions from God’s representative here on earth: Pat Robertson.

Seeing as Pat already knows the mind of God so well, I reckon all we got to do is follow his advice to the letter!

Viola: no more natural disasters!

The Nazis Weren’t All Bad

Now y’all know I don’t hesitate none to call out the dang Krauts for their crimes against America.

And them Nazis sure enough needed a whooping, what with their development of face-melting technology:



But going 0-for-2 don’t mean we ought discount every idea they ever had.

For instance, what’s wrong with asking for papers?

Oh yeah, that's right! Libs love their Fourth Amendment; it makes hiding their MARIJUANA that much easier!

Besides, if'n you ain't doing nothing wrong, you shouldn't have no problem with presenting your drivers license, social security card, and birth certificate to whomever asks for it!

-Norma Jean