Countdown to Armageddon: 12/21/2012

Hello Children,

It has been a very busy few days.

Well, thanks to ACORN and them traitors in the mainstream media, America now has a closet Moslem/anti-American homosexual/atheist as President, and the Apocalypse clock is now ticking.

That’s right, children, Jesus is readying His angels to blow the trumpets; the Seals will soon be opened, and the Four Hosresemen will roam o’er the land, sowing death and destruction, drenching the soil with the blood of the innocents!

Praise be to the Lord for His mercy!

Jesus came to me in a dream the other night and entrusted to me a series of visions!

First off, the world will not cease to exist ‘til at least 2012. 

Surprisingly, the Mayans had it right all along! Even though they was all pagans and are burning in hell even now, Jesus seen to fit to bestow on them secret knowledge of the End of Days! Just don’t pay no mind to them “scientists” who are all eager to prove how the end of the Mayan calendar ain’t nothing but some mathematical shenaniganism!

Unfortunately, this has led to some friction with the church I belong to, Highview Episcopal. 

Unlike me, they’re following along behind a false prophet, Josephus Ribald (and his whoring, no-account mistress Edna Rosencratz! That’s right, Edna! You’re just a dadblame, two-bit tramp!), who’s leading the church to believe that Jesus will return any day now. 

Imagine the hubris in believing you got the Lord telling you when He’ll return to destroy the earth!

That definitely ain’t like me and these {Here} folks what know Jesus won’t be back before 2012!

Anyhow, I done been excommunicated from Highview and I’m looking for a good, God-fearing, level-headed congregation to join.

Maybe these folks {Here}? (thanks to them folks over at Postcards from the Edge) 

Then again, I always been drawn to them good Pentecostal folks. They really seem to know how to follow the spirit:

-Norma Jean